"Show plainness; hold simplicity
Reduce selfishness; decrease desires"
Tao Te Ching, Chapter 19
My appointment with the Fibro specialist was rescheduled for today from 5 pm to 7 pm. It should be a review of medical records, in-depth evaluation, hopefully answer questions about Social Security Disability, address the specifics behind my fibro, and possibly formulate a treatment plan. I am having a bad fibro flare today, but maybe that will be helpful for the analysis? After all, there is nothing worse than going to the mechanic or doctor and you can't reproduce the problem, right?
I know this isn't true, but somehow this evaluation feels like my last chance. This fibro specialist was recommended to me by the best fibro counselor in the area. I feel like I will either get the answers I need here or maybe never. Or at least, I don't think I will be consulting too much with experts for a while if I can't get any answers today. It is really wearying and disheartening to get no clear answers, but everyone seems to have different ideas about fibro. I do get tired of being batted around, not getting answers, and still suffering.
If this evaluation doesn't tell me anything then I will focus on ACT therapy, physical therapy, various supplements and medication combinations, and try to work out some sort of balance. I will try to get SSD and some sort of part-time online work I can do while I take part-time online art classes. Hopefully, I can be strong enough someday to take classes on location and re-enter the work force in a sustainable way.
I am trying to maintain an even mood and stay as positive as I can. I have been listening to more music and visiting with family and friends. I am attempting to convince myself to eat more often than once a day, so I have been cooking. I am trying to focus on options and possibilities rather than dwell too often on the worst. I think I am managing something close to mellow melancholy between bouts of overwhelming sadness. I hope to attain neutral.
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